As Iapos;m writing this journal, Iapos;m waiting for the phone call that will tell me my grandfather has died. Its around 6 am here in Michigan and Iapos;ve been up for the last three hours since my dad called me and told me that my grandpa probably wouldnapos;t make it through the night.
Iapos;ve been sitting at the computer going through every bookmark I have saved on my browser trying to keep my mind occupied.� I havenapos;t stopped to think about the fact that my grandpa is on his death bed and I�donapos;t plan to until I get home later today, which Iapos;ll be doing in a few hours. �
That may sound a bit insensitive, but I�know if I stop to let it sink in now, Iapos;ll never make it home.� This whole thing is going to hit me really hard and I donapos;t wanna give it the chance until Iapos;m ready for it.� So hear I am at livejournal......blogging....
When I signed in it told me that I havenapos;t updated livejournal in 63 weeks.� Thats a long time.� I�more or less forgot I�had this until stumbling on it in my bookmarks a few minutes ago.� I�suppose I couldnapos;t even list the was Iapos;ve changed in that 63 weeks.� Though sometimes I feel like thereapos;s an equally long list of the ways Iapos;ve found that Iapos;ll never change.� A randomly nostalgic thought I guess.
Iapos;ve been sitting here not doing much, certainly not sleeping, for the last three hours.� The impending death of a close relative gives you an interesting perspective on your life, especially when your hours away and unable to go give your last respects.�
Iapos;ve discovered a whole kind of frustrating.� Iapos;ve never felt so useless.....just sitting here waiting for my grandpa to die.� I spent an hour writing explanation e-mails to professors about why Iapos;d be missing class today and why some papers might be late.� I spent a good chunk of that hour writing an e-mail in spanish to my spanish prof.� A foreign language e-mail about a topic iapos;ve never had to discuss in spanish, while iapos;m doing my best not to cry might be one of the most frustrating things Iapos;ve ever done.�
Anyway, I donapos;t really remember how livejournal works, and if posting this will send out "hey your super awesome friend just wrote a journal" alerts to anyone.� I�donapos;t even know whoapos;d be getting those e-mails to be honest.� So I guess Iapos;ll close with this:
If you stubbled here, then welcome to a small excerpt from my life, if you were dragged here by an e-mail alert, then I apologize.� But hopefully you found something here worth reading.
God Bless,
-Josh
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